. Birdie and Breanne are making alot of sense i know . I have never gone through what you are so i have no wise words . I so want you to feel happy , you are trying your hardest to make your husband happy . It really should go both ways . I know you said you said some things that you regret ( been there) but we well i have when i feel desperate and scared too . Yes i did regret the things i said and felt awful the usual but he wasnt innocent he said stuff too . We both 'forgave ' each other time and time again . Thats when i was younger . Now i am so much better at biting my tongue and keeping the bad words in ! 