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Me here, checking in again....

17 років тому 0 +0 / -0 967

Thanks everybody, I appreciate the great thoughts again. I too try and start everyday off on the right foot, but I trip up somewhere. Maybe it is new feet I need.

Anyhow, we have my inlaw family camping weekend this weekend. First time camping as a non smoker so again, a little creeped out, another first, but I know I can do it. The only ones left that smoke are my husbands parents, they are a little difficult. They actually keep trying to convince me to start smoking again, that you only live one life and its better to be happy than to struggle...there is a great junkie thought.!! Anyhow, I can choose to have fun, or choose not not. I want to have fun with my kids, and I will. I will get up in the morning, have tea and read by the campfire WITHOUT a cigarette (scarry for me), I will watch my kids go down the water slide EVERYTIME, because I won't be away smoking. I will play a whole game of minature golf WITHOUT having to walk away to have a cig and I will love every moment that I have, regardless of what I am doing. I am scared yes, I am terrified actually, but I know I can do it. It just might get uncomftrable for me at times, so I will walk away, get my grip and come back. That is my plan, I hope it works...

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/6/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 168
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 5,040
Amount Saved: $630.00
Life Gained:
Days: 13 Hrs: 16 Mins: 42 Seconds: 55

17 років тому 0 +0 / -0 46

There are a lot of times I don't feel quite like myself. I guess the truth is that I'm not sure who I am because I'm constantly in flux. Sometimes I am quite content with myself and who I am at the moment. Other times I feel lost and incomplete and I struggle to find a firm footing by trying to label myself. Those times are trying. I have battled depression for over ten years now. I have become very paranoid watching for signs of deep depression returning. I find that if I step back and look at myself, I can see that I am normal, that I don't need to be happy all the time, and that every day brings success in it's own way. I find that very reassuring.

Hope your search for a new job brings you what you need. We could all use less stress although I'm slowly realizing I am the biggest creator of stress in my own life. I've read more than a few self-help books myself.

Gotta go. Keep your chin up and have faith that you'll find what you're looking for.

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/26/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 116
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,276
Amount Saved: $561.44
Life Gained:
Days: 13 Hrs: 17 Mins: 3 Seconds: 55

17 років тому 0 +0 / -0 1356

Kelly, me and Audrey met for the first time today, and we were talking tonight about this very thing.

We have to learn to be in this skin now, I spent 25 years of my life in another stinky skin. I prefer this one, but don't know myself yet.

I take it day by day, that is what you do, and rewards and reaffirmation, what you are seeking here, is so important.

You are just fine Kelly, we all are.

Sue

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 5/3/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 384
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,840
Amount Saved: $768.00
Life Gained:
Days: 37 Hrs: 11 Mins: 46 Seconds: 46

17 років тому 0 +0 / -0 12049

Kelly,

The void is healing and will continue to heal over time. Start thinking about you and all the extra time and money you have earned. What are you doing with it? Are you using it for yourself?

Help yourself fill the void with something that is all about you

Josie, Health Educator

17 років тому 0 +0 / -0 763

Kelly,

This is such a one day at a time deal right now. I wake up each morning and decide I can make this a good day or a bad day. Sometimes I don't make the right choice and I feel miserable. And sometimes I can't help it. I try to accept those days for what they are. I'm VERY guilty of listening to that little voice in my head that says, "You've been quit nearly 4 months now...you should feel NORMAL...perhaps," that voice emphasises, "you're not trying hard enough."

And that all comes from my own mind. I'm really trying hard to tell that voice to get stuffed!!!! Its a slow process for me, but I think I'm making a bit of progress. I'm trying valiantly to accept the fact that this process may take a while.

So for now, I am who I am, and I need to accept and understand that.

Kelly, be good to yourself, you are a wonderful person and I'm glad you're here.

((((hugs))))

Jan

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/27/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 115
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 2,875
Amount Saved: $948.75
Life Gained:
Days: 13 Hrs: 3 Mins: 38 Seconds: 5

17 років тому 0 +0 / -0 967

Astrofan, I think I will have a bottle of wine tonight in our 55 degree weather...I want to move to TX!!!!!!

Kelly

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/6/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 167
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 5,010
Amount Saved: $626.25
Life Gained:
Days: 13 Hrs: 15 Mins: 32 Seconds: 49

17 років тому 0 +0 / -0 967

Patrick and Freedom.

Thanks for talking with me. It really helps. I don't know who I am, I just know that there is this eel that lives in my abdomen all the time and doesn't go away until I take meds. Some days it is better than others, I just get frustrated that I can't keep up the PMA all the time. On another note, I interviewed for a new job today, and I think I may have gotten it. It is less pay, but less stress.

Freedom, I too read self help books, as it is I just signed up for a new book club and am waiting for the books to come, it was one of my rewards. They are helpful in that it takes your mind off yourself and teaches you ways to cleanse your soul.

Patrick, you are such a wise man, I don't know what this site would do without your knowledge and heartfelt stories. I look forward to hearing from you all everyday, I would be lost without you guys.

With tears...I thank you both.

Kelly

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/6/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 167
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 5,010
Amount Saved: $626.25
Life Gained:
Days: 13 Hrs: 15 Mins: 30 Seconds: 23

17 років тому 0 +0 / -0 1890

Kelly, you're not so happy in your own skin yet, huh? It's a huge difference for the addict who has spent so many years depending on the drug to cope with the vagaries of life; the child who runs out in front of your car and makes you brake until your head is mashed against the steering wheel, the endless demands of the Other on your time and emotions, the friend who speaks but who doesn't actively listen - all these things can make it seem like you're no longer in your body/mind the the way you were when you were a smoker and could reach for pack of smokes rather than now, wanting to reach out and, verbally, "smack" some sense into the ones who cause you anxiety.

What about hydro-therapy for you when you need to be alone and to think about your life and how you are grateful for what you have? I mean get into a warm bath at either end of the day (get up really early in the morning to get that 30 minutes in a warm bath before the kids start bashing on the door).

Oh, and I hope that your grape-smelling-cigar-smoking husband is doing that outside the house?? That is just not fair to you and is a terrible example for the nippers.

I sympathise with you. I think I was lost too as to "who" I was after I quit since I had no idea what I was like at age 10. I have had to invent a non-smoking me now and try not to pick up any further addictions since I'm a classic addictive personality anyway! I get anxious about Darfur and remain horrified by the Nazi, Cambodia, Bosnia and Rwanda genocides to this day. Once I would have automatically lit up if I were to catch some pictures "at eleven" of what man does to his fellow man... it's hard not to despair but it's equally hard to negate what is beautiful in life by letting myself fall into despair-depression.

Have you decided who you were before you smoked? Do you still want to be that person? She's in there now. I see it in your posts and I like Kelly Anxioux..

Patrick

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/18/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 124
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,100
Amount Saved: $1,395.00
Life Gained:
Days: 23 Hrs: 3 Mins: 24 Seconds: 14

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Me here, checking in again....